my heart is empty

e m P t Y

Even your voice,
Even your broad shoulders,
Even your smile
aren't mine anymore.

Yayy. Update.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012 ( 6:46 AM )

It’s been months since I last updated my blog. The reason is, well, studies, practices, studies, test, oh-god-why-am-i-the-secretary papers.

I joined one of the school’s activities, and yea, it involves singing.

Hectic Schedules plus Exams plus Practice equals Totally Worth It <3

No regrets and all, definitely because I made new friends. Unfortunately, most of them are graduating students which also means, I’ll never get to see them next year, that’s just so sad.

So yea, I finally moved on and currently in love slash has crush slash i-don’t-know-what-I’m-feeling.

The situation also made me realized that... All of my crushes are graduating students. And yea, that’s just so sad. Lol.

He is quite popular and known as a kind man. We chatted, like, every day and I don’t know where this relationship going or end.

I’m not sure if this is love, but crap, I can’t think when I see you. I don’t know why but when I look at you, my feet control my whole body and start to walk away. Far from you.

I like you but at the same time, I don’t want to see you, because you can see all the miseries that are written on my face.

You probably didn’t know why I cried in front of you and everyone else; I thought that it’s only a week of seeing you, holding of your hand, smiling and laughing, and maybe, loving you.

Oh god, I’m such a drama actress.

Oh nuttela, just come here and love me. now. please.

Labels: #depressed mode, #rants, #weekdays

relief and sighs.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011 ( 1:15 AM )

THANK GOD!
I'm done with my monologue and i guess it's less shitty than I've thought.
I'm also done with My Poem.
I hit 2 birds in one stone! wooooooooooooh.

well, we'll have our ~~long~~ weekend, Wednesday(Afternoon) to Sunday. Another woooooooh for that.

for today: I'm not feeling well. i don't know why. /shrugs/.

I'm depressed and yea, someone text me that i shouldn't text them anymore without specific reasons and yes, the one who text me that is the one I'm in love with.
There is no relationship and no words of love spoken throughout the night. But it hurts. It's just frustrating and confusing, I hate this feeling.

I hate myself, for feeling this way, for falling in love with someone who loves someone.

I don't know what to do and I can't help but to cry.

Why are you doing this to me? Why?

Labels: #broke, #depressed mode, #rants, #weekdays

when i said sorry, i mean it.

Thursday, August 11, 2011 ( 4:50 AM )

Friendships doesn't lasts when there is no exert of effort.
I said "Sorry", yet you didn't accept it.
Now, you're looking at me like you want me to say those words again, like you want me to regret hating you, like you want me to become friends with you again.
It's not my fault, I already ask for forgiveness and regret about things that happened.
You want to get revenge?
Your plan lasted for a day.
And i won without lifting a finger.
Now, you're guilty.
Now, you're regretting all the things you said but you couldn't form you words to make it up to me.
Say sorry and I'll forgive you.
But don't ever expect that we'll remain the same.

Labels: #depressed mode, #goodnight, #rants

He'll never return this love back.

Saturday, July 9, 2011 ( 7:57 PM )

"I loved him, ever since i saw him"

I knew him last year, a candidate for 4th year representative of student council.
My friend introduced him to me. Small-round face, Chinese-eyes with rectangular glasses, tall, has a simple hair-do. All-in-all, he's a typical guy you can meet in your everyday life.

My last year's sad ending is that his building is too far away from me, that means i rarely see him.

"Why did i fall in love with you...again?"

I met him again, standing next to his classmates. Chatting profusely, smile on his face.
He looked at me, and melt me with his smile. His smile gave me a thousand butterflies and at that time, i wanna throw-up.

I never expect to fall for him again.
But i know this love is unrequited.
It's like a sad story, I'm in-love blah-blah-blah, but it hurts because i know what it's ending.
I wonder if i should continue this, though i know he'll never return all the love i will give.

He won't love me, the way i want him to.
Yet here i am, continuing what i started.
I'm not asking him to love back..
I won't wait..
It's just an infatuation..

...i love him.

Labels: #broke, #depressed mode

Grandpa's House :D

Friday, July 1, 2011 ( 4:38 AM )

I'm here at my Grandpa's house where in there is only one rule: THERE'S NO RULES BABY! lol. I go here when I'm depressed or when I'm bored. I can do anything here, as in ANYTHING. And my Grandpa isn't like 'strict or whatever', He is actually cool, and smart. Everytime we eat our lunch, he'll tell facts that sometimes i don't even know what he's talking about. And her daughter (my aunt) Grace also lives here, she's my bestfriend and she also tell me things i should learn.

I'm kinda in a depressed mode. I'm watching MYX then suddenly TVXQ's song Doushite appeared right before my eyes. First, i was fangirling and yelling and howling and screaming and ....whatever. Then suddenly, i realized, They just broke up a year ago. And then sadness approached me and i also realized that the first time i saw TVXQ is when the lawsuit spread. I didn't even .../cries...

Well, I'll always keep the faith and that's that.

Goodnight.

-Yumi-chan!

Labels: #depressed mode, #weekdays